Welcome to whatever is on my mind!

Some people use the term "nonsense" but I prefer to use the phrase "uncommonly sensed" because it's more reflective of creative types.

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Creepy Things

In honor of Halloween, I’ve compiled a list of things that I find creepy.  So read on and feel the chill run up and down your spine... and hope that the tingling on your scalp isn’t squirrels nesting in your hair.
1. Clowns.  This one is  a no brainer and I can’t explain it any better than the Simpson’s or Steven King, so I’ll just leave it at that.  Although John Connolly wrote one of the best horror short stories about this topic. Check it out if you like that sort of thing - it’s in his book “Nocturnes.” 
2. Doll heads, particularly the severed kind.  In fact, when I was a teenager I used to pop the head off a barbie and dangle it by the hair to watch my best friend freak out.  But I always kept the eyes facing away from me.  I’m not stupid.
3. Pencil mustaches.  Nothing says “child molester” quite like a pencil mustache.
4. Bradford pears.  Whores.  All of them.
5. Small children who won’t go to bed on time.  This is mostly because I hallucinate under the effects of sleep deprivation.  I’m convinced that my own children were miniature researchers doing sleep deprivation experiments on me.  I don’t know where they put all the data they collected, but I know it wasn’t in their diapers because I searched them thoroughly.  Upon reflection, that location probably would have been too obvious.  But I digress.
6. Bad vocalists.  Especially the kind who don’t know that they’re tone deaf and still insist on getting up in front of a crowd.  Great.  Now that I’ve thought about this I won’t sleep tonight because I’ll be afraid of having karaoke dreams.
7. The inside of the mind of anyone who would willingly run for political office. There should be public service announcements such as: “This is your brain.  This is your brain drunk on the thought of having power and not understanding the full and eternal consequences to the rest of your own life or that of your family members.  This is a bad walnut, shriveled and black and a little smelly.  No.  Switch the last two.”
Now think about what you find creepy and enjoy the scare.  Happy Halloween!

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Bedtime Stories for Dogs and Cats

Just in time for the Southern Festival of Books this weekend... two NEW eBooks have been released!

A book of stories, poems, fables, and essays written by dogs for dogs.  Story topics range from mythology and magic to “tails” of misfortune, adventure, and joy.

A book of stories, fables, and essays written by cats for cats.  Story topics range from cat mythology to “tails” of adventure and magic.

Discover how much fun you can have reading to your pets!  The two books have some unique stories and some that are similar but told from a different perspective (either cat or dog).  The print version will be available in two weeks and will contain both books bound together. 
Please share this post with your friends.  A portion of the proceeds from the sale of these books will be donated to no-kill animal shelters.

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Versatile Blogger Award

I’ve been given awards by two of my fellow bloggers, but I’ve been such a slacker that it took me over a week to acknowledge these. I suppose I should clarify that I’ve been busy recording with my band, getting ready to release two books this month, and preparing for the Southern Festival of Books this weekend.  So it’s been a little crazy for me lately.

In any event, I would like to thank my buddies Jill Elizabeth and Stuart for nominating me for the Versatile Blogger award.  What this means is that I’ve successfully managed to channel my normal scatterbrained ramblings into a palatable stew of words.  I really appreciate that these two friends took the time to acknowledge me and I am continuing to spread the love. The rules associated with accepting this award are as follows. 
  • Thank and link the blogger who nominated you (please click on their names above to check out their blogs).
  • Share seven random facts about yourself.
  • Spread the love! Pass the award on to five other bloggers. Make sure to contact and congratulate them!
With that said, here are seven random facts about me:
  1. I do not have six toes on my left foot.  
  2. I once had a very nice friend named Jennifer with whom I worked. 
  3. I convinced most of the office that Jennifer did have six toes on her left foot.  Luckily Jennifer never wore sandals.
  4. Jennifer never calls me anymore.
  5. I once had a very nice friend named Shannon with whom I worked.
  6. I convinced most of the office that Shannon was having a secret love affair with Megadeth frontman Dave Mustaine.  A lot of people still think it’s true.
  7. Shannon tries to avoid me but I know where she lives.  I also post on her Facebook page regularly.  My posts often reference her relationship with Dave.
Bonus fact: You probably don’t want to work closely with me.
I now pass this award on to five fun filled bloggers who I enjoy reading regularly.  Several are book related, but some are just for fun.  And some of these blogs are even useful, unlike most of my posts. Please check them out when you have a moment at work and your boss isn't looking.

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Poetic Justice?

I recently posted the above photo on Facebook.  I admit that I stole it from someone else on Facebook (my buddy Nick) and don’t know the original author.  However, I thought it was the funniest thing I had ever seen and a work of genius.  People who love books seem to enjoy it, anyway.
Now here’s the funnier part: 
Shortly after I posted this photo and laughed my head off I received an email that MTV has licensed two of my band’s songs.  What this means is that MTV can use the songs in any of their TV shows, including Jersey Shore.  If this happens it would be an excellent example of poetic justice.  One, of course, that I would encourage as it involves royalty checks made out to yours truly.
For those of you unfamiliar with poetic justice, it’s a literary device that involves irony.  In my case, I poked fun at a TV show and then found out that I may now serve to gain financially from the show (or at the very least from the show’s network) making me something of a hypocrite.  Now that’s ironic. And funny.
By the way, I still think the photo is hilarious.