Welcome to whatever is on my mind!

Some people use the term "nonsense" but I prefer to use the phrase "uncommonly sensed" because it's more reflective of creative types.

Monday, April 21, 2014

Peeps, Why Can't We All Just Get Along?

Many of you are aware of the Easter uprising that occurred yesterday at my house. If you have the stomach for it, you may review the graphic images that accompany this post.

My family and I would like to express our sympathy to the family members and friends of the peeps that were brutally murdered and/or toasted during yesterday’s Easter celebration. We are deeply mourned at the chicks’ militant brutality, and while we don’t condone the chick’s behavior we can understand the circumstances that caused it. We are working with representatives on both sides of the issue to resolve the situation.

After the events shown here, we discovered that the bunnies had been taunting and terrorizing the chicks even before they were purchased and brought into the household. Therefore, the problem predates my household’s involvement with both groups. Back when they were both side by side in the store bunnies insisted that they were superior to the chicks because A) they were the “newer and therefore hipper and trendier form of the Peep” and that B) The bunnies more closely resemble the spirit of Easter because they look like the Easter Bunny himself.

Unbeknownst to household management, the bunnies had been lighting bags of jelly beans on fire outside of the chicks’ cartons and leaving chocolate graffiti with phrases such as, “Your momma was an egg.”

Our official position on the matter is that neither bunnies nor chicks are preferable Easter treats. Both are delicious and household management will make sure to consume them in equal portions in the future. There is no excuse for taunting others with chocolate or for tying anyone up with licorice and publicly toasting them on a stack of pretzel sticks. Furthermore, this sort of unruly behavior will not be tolerated in the pantry or elsewhere in the house. Bunnies or chicks who engage in these types of hostile actions will have their heads bitten off and fed to the dog.

Lastly, while we did consume the murdered bunnies and even dipped the charred bodies in chocolate fondue before eating them, this in no way should be viewed as an endorsement of the chicks’ actions.  Our sympathy goes out to the manufacturer of Peeps who is certainly in mourning over these events. Since corporations are people, too, we can only assume that the company is shedding tears of colored sugar over this event as they count their profits from the holiday.

Thursday, March 27, 2014

A Girl and Her Gargoyle - At Wicked

Last night I took Newton to see Wicked. I couldn’t take any photographs during the show, but the picture above is the curtain before the show opened. Newton kept trying to talk to the giant dragon over the stage, but she wouldn't have anything to do with him.

The show was awesome. I won’t spoil the plot for those of you who haven’t seen it , but I read the book when it came out several years ago and the musical follows the plot nicely. The stage sets and costumes were incredible, and the cast was outstanding. If you haven’t seen this musical you should make it a point to go.

We did have a few tense moments, though. Apparently Newton thought that Wicked was an all-you-can-eat buffet (most of you who follow my blog know that gargoyles protect from evil). He was ready to fly up to the stage and start chowing down, but he never detected any true evil and was hungry during the whole show. Stone stomachs are very loud when they rumble, FYI.

Almost as soon as he saw Elphaba, Newton fell in love with her because he could relate to being different and not looking like everyone else. Next time I’m buying Newton a ticket to sit in his own seat because every time Elphaba started to sing he got excited and started flapping his wings in my face.

Other than the frequent gargoyle-induced drafts, the play was a great experience.

Wednesday, March 12, 2014

The family Business - Part 2

Continuing my effort from yesterday, I've searched the Internet and come up with another strategy to enhance business meetings and applied it to the family dinner.

Strategy Two: Create a list of the top five reasons why people shouldn’t miss the meeting.

Applying this to dinner, I’ve come up with the list below. Note how I'm still attempting to make dinner time fun and exciting (per yesterday's strategy), especially for kids.  Here’s my top five list:

1. You need to eat and I, the almighty household dictator, control access to all the food. (Fridge is now padlocked, FYI.)
2. Your parents are going to be there - live and uncensored! You won't want to miss what they say next! Engage in exciting conversation with old people!

3. The food is free (… if you show upon time. Rates increase five minutes after the official start time).

4. You’ve run out of legitimate excuses to miss time with the family. Save your creativity for more important things.
5. Parents are experts at causing emotional distress that will last a lifetime. Kids, surrender now — while you still have a little sanity.