Not a fan of the Bradford Pear. I know these are hugely popular trees, but I have never liked them. I don’t mind the fact that they’re ornamental fruit trees that never bear fruit (although I try not to think about how they got that way). But I’ve always known that there was something just wrong about them and then it occurred to me that these trees are basically the equivalent of arboreal prostitutes.
Follow my logic:
- They tend to congregate along streets, just like streetwalkers.
- They promiscuously flower, attracting all kinds of vermin.
- Deer love to scandalously strip the leaves and expose the limbs, specially on the lower portion.
- They don’t produce anything - people purchase them simply for pleasure (they just want to look at it. Right.).
- The blooms smell like rotting fish. (Disclaimer: I have not gotten close enough to very many prostitutes to know what they smell like, on average.)
I think that pretty much sums it up. It’s no wonder that the moral fiber of our society is falling apart with Bradford Pears on every corner. And yes, I did Photoshop the scarlet letter onto the picture below to drive my point home.
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