Welcome to whatever is on my mind!

Some people use the term "nonsense" but I prefer to use the phrase "uncommonly sensed" because it's more reflective of creative types.

Friday, March 30, 2012

Secrets to Winning the Lottery


People who know me well know that I have managed to win the lottery on several occasions.  Mind you, the most I won on any ticket was $28, but I did win more often than the stated odds.  With the Mega Millions drawing reaching half a billion, I know that a lot of other people may want to know my secrets.  So here they are:
First of all, be unemployed.  I don’t know why, but this seems to help.
Next, live in a trailer or other flimsy structure.  Luck needs to be able to seep into your home.  If you live in a fortress, luck will be unable to reach you.  I’m privileged enough to live in a house built by drunken vagrants and I’m also pretty sure that my house only passed inspection because someone was bribed.  Unfortunately, I’ve also been making repairs recently so I haven’t been as lucky.
Related to this concept, there are a number of other things that are detrimental to luck: a security system, storm doors and windows, and thick insulation.  Why? Because luck assumes that if you have all these other things that you don’t need it. Luck is emotionally needy.  Don’t judge it.  You need it, too.
Next, remember that luck congregates in dangerous neighborhoods.  Go there to buy your ticket.  But don’t use up all your luck trying to escape safely.  That could ruin your chances of winning.
I find that the lottery is like real estate and the secret to winning is location, location location.  This means that you need to find the right place to buy your ticket.  My rule of thumb is that the odds that the store is selling the winning ticket is directly proportional to the number of shotguns the owner keeps under the counter.  BTW - Any remote areas where you hear Dueling Banjos (and it's not coming from a radio) is usually a great place to buy a ticket.
Good luck. And may the odds be ever in your favor.

8 comments:

  1. Oh there are some scary gas stations out here in the desert that might be perfect. I'll be right back. BTW, good luck.

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    1. I believe it - I lived in California and there were some scary things in the desert. Of course, when you're dying of thirst just about anything with fluid counts as an "oasis."

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  2. Love it! When I was in my twenties, my friend and I followed a rainbow in my car to the closest gas station near the end- it took about 5 hours, and even though we didn't win- we did feel that the odds were in our favor- how many chances do you get to follow a rainbow- if I did it now, people would just think I was weird- at twenty though, I would have been classified as fun- lol (it was a pretty seedy gas station too, if I remember correctly : ) Your posts always crack me up! ~ Jess

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    1. That sounds like a fun trip and something I wold do for fun. I try to never let my age interfere with my immaturity.

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  3. For some reason, I just imagined you saying that last line just as Effie Trinkett says it in the movie. Not that I'd know what your voice sounds like. But it worked in my head.

    So there's this guy who won $26 million early this week and he vowed to go back to work on Monday. SHOCK HORROR, HE DIDN'T TURN UP. Said the pressure of people asking him for money was just too much to bear. Good thing a journalist who interviewed him wasn't serious on betting $26 million that he wouldn't turn up for work the next day.

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    1. Funny how we always think we know what we will or won't do in a situation until we're actually there. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have shown up for work, though ;)

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  4. Ironic but true! Destiny works in the strangest ways!

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