It’s an election year and the debates are taking place concerning a wide range of topics. Most of us are tired of partisan issues and want to see some general improvements in government that make our general quality of life better. With this in mind, I’ve put together a few laws that I think we could all get behind.
1.) Any activity on a deck will require beer. This extends the current law requiring beer during boring activities such as pressure washing, carpentry, staining your deck, or using power tools. The new law will also mandate beer during simple activities, such as family BBQs. (Note: we’ll attach a clause to allow wine or hard liquor as an acceptable alternative for those of us who don’t drink beer. The point is that decks were made for drinking.).
2.) People who drive slow in the left lane should be kidnapped by aliens and used for experiments. What? They already do this? Well, maybe they could be probed more slowly to get the point across that slow is not always the best way to go.
3.) Lift kits should be banned and hefty fines imposed upon those who violate this law. These are the source of many unsightly freakish accidents that can cause nightmares or require therapy. By the way, I’m not talking about the ones used on cars and trucks, I’m talking about the ones used by people with sagging skin who wind up with faces that look like an image stretched out on silly putty. Don’t hurt the ones you love by forcing them to look at your distorted collagen features.
Well, these are my initial ideas. I'm sure there are a lot more and you're welcome to share them in the comments section.
I am a great believer that many of life's problems could be solved with the simple implementation of "stupid jail." This would help immensely with problem of overcrowding in prisons, and hopefully act as a deterrent to stupid people throughout the land.
ReplyDeleteThat could be helpful on many levels: with these people in jail they also couldn't easily reproduce!
DeleteI have long been a proponent of the Stupid Tax, which is a corollary (or possibly precursor) to Stupid Jail. Definition of the Stupid Tax: the money people have to spend to buy their way out of the stupid-ass things they do. Example: You drive very slowly in the left lane. When I attempt to pass you, you speed up. When I am forced to break the sound barrier and swerve around you like my car is in a hula hoop and I get a ticket, your Stupid Tax is to pay my ticket, since I wouldn't have gotten it without your insistence on driving like a douchebag.
ReplyDeleteI think the stupid tax should be adjusted so that they not only pay your fine, but also provide you with a $500 Visa gift card so that you can go shopping to relieve yourself of the stress from the incident. For therapeutic purposes.
DeleteSounds like a good start : ) ~ Jess
ReplyDeleteMaybe having a deck in the first place will help me drive faster. I'm tired of getting abducted!
ReplyDeleteOur deck would pass...I never drive slow....and I can't afford a lift. I say we promote Amy for President! I'm sure she is smart enough to know there is no such thing as "legitimate" rape.
ReplyDeleteyou made my day!! hehehe
ReplyDelete~big smiles~