The Daily Dave's Political Advice

It's been awhile since the Daily Dave did a guest appearance on my blog and with the election looming ever nearer, I thought that our friend Dave might have a little wisdom to share with us...

Attention All Rogue Socks!

The laundry room in this household has instituted a zero tolerance policy on loitering.
Starting today all rogue socks will be terminated on site.

Please note that the buddy system was previously put into place in order to help socks find a suitable partner and encourage them to find a home in a respectable drawer. If you are a rogue sock and do not have a partner we suggest that you find one immediately or risk being terminated. As this household has an equal opportunity policy, sock partners may cross color and fiber boundaries. However, any unmatched socks left in the laundry room will be considered a threat to household security and terminated on site.

This is a fair warning: I am packing heat. It’s called the dryer and I’m exceptionally skilled at using it. So don’t test me. Any sock caught loitering in and around the laundry room will be terminated on site or worse - made into puppets.

Thank you for your cooperation.

Sincerely,
Household Management

Suggested Laws

It’s an election year and the debates are taking place concerning a wide range of topics. Most of us are tired of partisan issues and want to see some general improvements in government that make our general quality of life better. With this in mind, I’ve put together a few laws that I think we could all get behind.

1.) Any activity on a deck will require beer.  This extends the current law requiring beer during boring activities such as pressure washing, carpentry, staining your deck, or using power tools. The new law will also mandate beer during simple activities, such as family BBQs. (Note: we’ll attach a clause to allow wine or hard liquor as an acceptable alternative for those of us who don’t drink beer. The point is that decks were made for drinking.).

2.) People who drive slow in the left lane should be kidnapped by aliens and used for experiments. What? They already do this? Well, maybe they could be probed more slowly to get the point across that slow is not always the best way to go.

3.) Lift kits should be banned and hefty fines imposed upon those who violate this law. These are the source of many unsightly freakish accidents that can cause nightmares or require therapy. By the way, I’m not talking about the ones used on cars and trucks, I’m talking about the ones used by people with sagging skin who wind up with faces that look like an image stretched out on silly putty. Don’t hurt the ones you love by forcing them to look at your distorted collagen features.

Well, these are my initial ideas. I'm sure there are a lot more and you're welcome to share them in the comments section.

Word of the Day: Dumbassery

Dumbassery   ⎪dŭm-as′-er-ē⎪
noun

1 An eclipse of stupidity that is so severe it is blinding to anyone who looks directly upon it.

2. Behavior typical of the average teenager under the influence of hormones and/or drugs.

4. Partisan politics.

3. Activities that are sensed in neither the common nor the uncommon manner and displaying an acute lack thereof.

5. Jackassery’s first cousin.  It is therefore illegal for dumassery to marry jackassery.



The corporate report reflected the cultural dumbassery of the organization.

This sort of dumbassery is typical of Congress, but unexpected in a mature two year old.