So what’s the solution?
Completely centralizing all school zones. If we put every student in the United States into one giant high school, there is only one school zone and everyone in the United Sates is eligible for it. There is no more class distinction. No more school rivalry. Because all high school kids in the U.S. go to the same school
But where do we put it?
Iowa. It’s the ideal location for several reasons.
First of all, Iowa is centrally (and conveniently) located in the Midwest, thereby providing a reasonable commute for most students. Students from either coast will not need to travel the full width of the country.
Secondly, the winters are very cold. This will keep the kids indoors studying instead of playing Frisbee on the abandoned corn fields (you don’t expect the farmers to stay in Iowa once it becomes a high school instead of a state, do you?).
Finally, this will eliminate the need for curfews in the rest of the United States and save on the tax dollars currently used to enforce these curfews.
Problem solved. Now all property values will be equal. Except for Iowa. But we can work that out later.