One Ring to Rule them All

People who know me also know that I’m health conscious. I exercise 6 days a week and usually eat a low fat/ high fiber diet.  However, last weekend my husband and I decided to take a day off from our good behaviors.  This is when I suddenly discovered the magical powers of onion rings.

First of all, onion rings are naturally formed in the shape of a circle: the symbol of perfection.  It shows the past connecting with the future.  Like a wedding ring, the onion ring is a symbol of the eternal nature of things, such as cholesterol.

Secondly, onion rings are golden: the color of wealth and prosperity.  This further connotes the regal nature of the food and enhances the connection between eating onion rings and getting rich.  How do you think Burger King became king when he has no kingdom?  Hint: they sell onion rings there.  McDonald’s doesn’t sell them and Ronald is just a clown.  Coincidence?  Probably not.

Lastly, onions are a vegetable.  This makes them healthy.  Further, they are often eaten with ketchup, which is another vegetable.  Double healthy!  In fact, people who eat onion rings may live longer than people who think they’re too good to eat onion rings.  Plus, if you eat enough onion rings your breath will knock out potential attackers and kill just about any germ.  Added bonus. 

So from where I sit, there really is only one ring to rule them all.  And it is beer batter fried.

Things My Dog Hates

There are certain things my dog despises and, given my dog’s strong sensible nature and excellent judge of character, I must also question the things that she abhors. I’m not saying that she’s a genius.  She simply has a sixth sense that provides her with an uncanny ability to identify the sinister nature of specific matters.  Like my ex husband.  She barks viciously whenever he comes anywhere close to the house.  There are some things that dogs just know by instinct.

With this in mind, I’ve compiled a list of things she hates so that the rest of us may learn from her.  These may be things that the rest of us would do well to avoid.

1.) Crows.  I’m pretty sure my dog drops the F-bomb in doggie talk when she sees them.  Other birds seem to be fine, but crows make her rush forward, jump in the air and scream “get the @#$% outta here!!!”

2.) Dogs on television. They really have no business being there.  Sort of like the Kardashians.  

3.) Small portions.  When I feed her a tiny sample I always get the annoyed look that says “Do I look stupid? Because I know there’s at least a pound of brie on that counter, only two of us, and this little micron is not 50% of said quantity.”

4.) Flies.  A no brainer: flies are attracted to some of the most unsanitary places.  Like reality TV shows.  

5.) The vacuum cleaner.  She probably learned this one from me because I hate vacuuming.  I think her goal is to attack and break it so that I don’t ever have to vacuum again.  That’s loyalty. Genius!

This has been a public service message from my dog.  BTW she is over 70 lbs and has extremely strong jaws, so you might want to pay attention.

Patron Saint of Metal Music and Corporate Logic

Today is All Saint's Day.  Some of you already know that I have unofficially dubbed Megadeth founder and frontman Dave Mustaine as the patron saint of metal music and corporate logic.  Why?  Because to survive in the corporate world you really need a "metal" attitude.  Please see my previous post on Dave for more background on why I've given him these titles.

So in honor of our Patron Saint... here's today's Daily Dave post: