How To Catch A Prince

I saw a book called “How To Catch  A Prince.” To be fair, I haven’t read the book. But how hard could it be? Literature is full of stories about princes, and classic fairy tales have spoken on the subject for years. So I’ve culled together a little advice from these sources. Here are the top ten ways to catch a Prince, according to my reserach.

1. Leave a glass slipper on the palace stairwell after midnight. Don’t let it break. That part is important. Also make sure it fits you and not your ugly sister.
2. Sleep for 100 years. You’ll look awesome after getting so much rest and will be able to marry anyone you want.
3. Learn how to get forest creatures to do your chores. This is a no-brainer whether you want to catch a prince or not.
4. Be a mermaid. Of course, this isn’t without sacrifice. Once you become a mermaid you have to choose between walking and talking, because you either have legs or a voice. Apparently princes prefer less articulate women because legs are mandatory for becoming a princess. Voices are optional.
5. Learn to like frogs and become an expert frog kisser. It’s a numbers game. You keep kissing a lot of frogs until one turns into a prince. This could take your whole life, but the good part is that once the frog becomes a prince he owes you one. So you’d have that going for you.
6. Turn into a swan at night. One of the easier methods, all things considered.
7. Grow your hair out several hundred feet and become a recluse in a tall dark tower. Princes dig Howard Hughes lookalikes.
8. Find a crazy dwarf alchemist who can spin straw into gold and make him a frenemy. Oh, you also need a baby as bait, so that complicates things here.
9. Be a princess first. Like attracts like, so if you’re already a princess you’re more likely to attract a prince.
10. Figure out that you’re worth far more than what you can catch. You don't need a prince to make your dreams come true.