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Some people use the term "nonsense" but I prefer to use the phrase "uncommonly sensed" because it's more reflective of creative types.

Tuesday, November 26, 2013

Guidelines for Thanksgiving Dinner Conversations

In order to make the family holiday go a little more smoothly, I've created a list of acceptable and unacceptable topics of conversation for the Thanksgiving dinner table. Some of these are specific to my family, but these lists may serve as a guide for you to create your own handouts for the holiday.

Acceptable topics of conversation at Thanksgiving:

1. The weather. 
2. Amy’s new shoes. 
3. The awesomeness of John Lennon and Freddie Mercury (but only if Amy has had less than three drinks).
4. The parade.
5. Gargoyles

Taboo Topics for Thanksgiving Dinner

1. Your last doctor’s appointment (some of us will be eating, you know).

2. Any stories related to having your tires rotated (Dad — thanks, but we’ve got these memorized).

3. School grades. Anyone caught bragging about his or her grades will be publicly forced to eat the gizzards.

4. People who have not set the house on fire are not allowed to discuss the times those of us did so. However, people who have set the house on fire may discuss their respective events with one another at their own discretion.

5. Lucky Charms. Some of us were emotionally scarred by this cereal as a child.

6. The awesomeness of John Lennon and Freddie Mercury (but only if Amy has had more than three drinks — because then she’ll cry that they’re gone and nobody wants to deal with a weeping drunk sobbing face down in her mashed potatoes).

7. Politics.
I also welcome suggestions for additions. Please post your recommendations in the comments below. Thank you.

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