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Some people use the term "nonsense" but I prefer to use the phrase "uncommonly sensed" because it's more reflective of creative types.

Thursday, September 27, 2012

How to Get The Attention of Your Teenager

I hear a lot of parents complaining that they can’t get their teenager’s attention.  It’s really a simple task. However, like anything with kids, you need to approach it in the correct manner.  I’m going to give you a few tips and you can use as many or as few as you like.

Tip One
Pick up a book you’ve been dying to read and look interested in it.  It seems obvious because it is - nothing draws your kids faster than the appearance that you may actually be enjoying yourself. Of course, this technique has resulted in some injuries as kids have resorted to attacking one another in order to punish you for taking time for yourself. They know that nothing gets your attention faster than their fights. Thus, this technique is occasionally too effective.

 Tip Two
Wear something completely age inappropriate and revealing.  Short shorts, a halter top, and high heels are particularly effective in getting your kids to pay attention to you. It works even better if you’re a man.  Do this in public and talk loudly with a bad accent that shifts from one ethnicity to another. Bonus points if you do this in front of people they know.

Tip Three
Bake something.  It’s the smell that draws them, so you might want to simply purchase a scented candle that smells like freshly baked cookies and then just sit back and wait in the kitchen until the kids show up.  Note that this will draw them, but when the food proves to be bogus, they’ll try to run away.  If the food does exist, they’ll attempt to take the food and then run away with it. Thus, you may want to have a restraining device handy for when they arrive on the scene.

Tip Four
If you're out in public, randomly choose strangers to point at and loudly say, "Isn't that the boy (or girl) you like?" This will usually cause the child to become withdrawn and quiet. Then you can finally read that book you were trying to read in Tip One.

Feel free to embellish these to “make them your own.” And, of course, please post pictures and/or video online for the rest of us to enjoy. Happy parenting!


  1. I have no teenagers of my own, but I have found a fantastic way of getting my wife's attention is to recreate John Cleese's "Ministry of Silly Walks" in the grocery store. True, her attention is generally negative attention, but all attention is good attention, right?

  2. These techniques sound like proven winners! LOL : ) ~ Jess