Tuesday, July 16, 2013
1. Dogs in the city bark with an accent that sounds a little rough, but you get used to it quickly. They’re all really friendly and like to play.
2. City squirrels are more evil than suburban squirrels. They will taunt you by prancing along the power lines and running up and down fences. They all must die.
3. Urban life means that there are more people living closer together and that also means that you will meet a lot more dogs. That’s a lot of butts to sniff, so get your lungs into shape before you move.
4. We have sidewalks here. These are tiny cement roads for pedestrians. Pretty cool.
5. There are things here called “alleys” which have the best buffets. Trash cans line both sides and occasionally there’s road kill or rotting garbage just out in the open there. It’s heaven.
6. There are so many smells here that it’s exhausting, so you will definitely need more naps. However, all the information you’re inhaling through your nose will make you smarter. That’s why they call them “street smarts.” You get them from smelling the street.
7. If you get that uncontrollable urge to chase cars or bicycles you should get therapy before you move. There are way too many of these things in the city and there’s no stopping any of them. The sooner you realize this the better off you will be and the more likely you are to avoid a canine existential crisis.
8. They still barbecue in the city and there are still leftover hot dogs. There is absolutely nothing to worry about.