Back Injury Stories

I have a friend who recently hurt his back while picking up a ping pong ball. Granted, a person doesn’t need to be lifting anything heavy to get a back injury - I know the spine is a complicated piece of anatomy and these things can happen at any time. However, I told this friend of mine that he needed a better story. The truth just isn’t going to cut it. After all, if you’ve injured yourself enough to be out of commission for a week or more, a lot of people are going to be asking about what happened.

So here’s a list of potential stories that could be used to make the incident sound more interesting:

“I threw out my back while bending the space time continuum.”

“There was this prostitute who used to be a contortionist ... ”

“I was building a secret library room for my friend Amy and her book collection is really heavy.”

“My parachute didn’t open. Again. I landed on my feet, but the impact did a number on my lower back.”

“I’ve been wrestling gargoyles for extra cash on the weekends. Those things are much stronger than they look.”

“I was really rocking the Chippendale’s auditions until I slipped on all those hundred dollar bills the ladies were throwing.”

“I finally got my budget balanced, but forcing the numbers into the right columns really hurt my back.”

“I’ve been doing some heavy reading and my back finally gave out under the weight of the acquired knowledge.”

This is just a few. Feel free to contribute your own suggestions so that the next time my friend hurts his back doing something simple, at least he'll have a lot of good stories to choose from.