Poetry For Parents - Volume 1

Last year the book Go The F**k to Sleep was released and was well received by parents everywhere who've experienced difficulty getting a child to go to bed. Honestly, I'm not sure if you can be called a parent if you haven't had this struggle with a child. We've all been there.

However, it's been over a decade since I've had to deal with this issue. In fact, the best solution for a toddler who won't sleep is to become a teenager, because it's nearly impossible to wake kids up after the age of 13. So here's my poetic response from the opposite end of the spectrum.

Wake The F**k Up

You’re a slumbering teen
In a dreamland so fine
But you’ve now been asleep
For a very long time

You went to bed early
And you’re still not awake
After twelve or more hours ...
How much sleep can one take?

The sun is now shining
In the sky, overhead
So it’s time to get moving
And get the hell out of bed

It’s past time for school
And your ride didn’t wait
There’s learning to have
And knowledge to take

Now you’ve missed the bus
Five times in five days
Because you can’t arise
And get out of your haze

You said you’d wake up
And get yourself fed
So it’s time to get moving
And get the hell out of bed

You’re missing the world
It’s passing you by
I know you could do things
If you would just try

I’ve made enough noise
To wake up the hood
But I said I was sorry
And the cop understood

We both checked your pulse
To confirm you’re not dead
So please wake the f**k up
And get the hell out of bed

Stop hitting the snooze
And quit sleeping in
Just open your eyes
Don’t roll over again

So it’s time to wake up
I wont say it again
Please get your ass moving
And get the f**k out of bed

Perhaps if I read this to my kids from a picture book it might embarrass them enough to wake up on time regularly.